Yes, I Have a Beard. But Even If I Didn't, I'd Still Find This Really Stupid

If I knew how to use the scanner that sits on the bottom shelf of the coffee table in my living room, I would have scanned a page from the new issue of Time Out New York, where an uncredited writer compiled a dreadful little info-graphic about bearded men. Some are straight, you see, while others are gay, and their patron saint is Tim Harrington from Les Savy Fav. Also, they're not usually as angry as they appear, and they mostly just want to be loved. And, here's my favorite part: Their style icon (not to be confused with their patron saint, who, as we've already discussed, is Tim Harrington), is the Brawny Paper Towel guy, who.... oh, will you look at this, doesn't even have a fucking beard.

In my mind, this was the straw that broke the sad, poorly laid-out camel's back.